Why Heartbreak Is So Painful & What You Can Do About It...
If you just broke up with your girlfriend... Especially if it was pretty sudden-then chances are you were struck by how painfully overwhelming being heartbroken can be...
It can be really hard to DESCRIBE.
That feeling in your chest... Like someone is digging into it with a spoon.
The heightened sense that you have to do something... But you can't think of what to do.
The thoughts flying at hundreds of miles per hour... Flipping from one to the next...
And you're so consumed by the thoughts that sometime you only realize how bad it is when you take a breather and try to stop thinking about her.
But its not that easy... Because before you know it, you're think about her. Again.
Sometimes you think about her so much that you start think about how you have to talk to her again.
You have to do something to fix what is happening.
You definitely can't stay like this...
Being Heartbroken Can Be One of The Most Isolating Experiences Ever...
It can seem crazy that people expect you to function like a normal human being.
If you're going about your whole day broken hearted, it taints everything you do.
When you aren't thinking about her, you're actively doing something to distract yourself from thinking about her.
And when aren't actually feeling the pain of the racing thoughts and the feeling in your chest...
You feel tired and drained.
You're mind feels numb to just about everything except the thoughts about her.
That's why distracting yourself can be so HARD.
She still in the back of your mind somewhere, just waiting for that random thing to come along to get you thinking of her again.
That's why "snapping out of it" is almost impossible.
Because when you do, its just a temporary space between the next the thought of her that will come along.
And the next wave of pain that comes with it.
That's why hanging out with friends can feel DISCONNECTED.
Because you're thinking about her. And you want to talk about her.
And while on one hand "talking out" feels good... Sometimes even after an hour of talking about it you end up just spinning your wheels and you keep coming back to the same frustrations over and over again. The relationship with her is still exactly the same place it was before you started talking it through. The break up heartbreak is still following you around regardless of how much you vent about it, and that is still the most painful part.
Whatever heartbreak and break up stories you share with your friends... Even if they make you feel better, in the end the situation with your ex girlfriend still SUCKS.
Most Guys Actually Do Just About Everything Possible To Make The Heartache More Painful
One of the reasons most guys take so long to get over the heartbreak after breaking up with a girl they still really care about... Is that they don't know what to do.
In fact most guys do the opposite of what they need to do...
They do things that make it hard to stop thinking about their ex girlfriends.
Like checking her profile...
Talking about it with friends and family constantly.
Running conversations in their heads over and over again.
Fantasizing about what they can do to get her to come back...
Or if they meet her again in some alternate reality.
Mostly because everything that makes heartbreak worse, still FEELS right.
Thinking about still being with her...How things went wrong - or how she wronged you is where your mind is naturally going to go. You can't HELP it. That's why heartbreak is such a profound experience, it almost as if you totally lose control of the ability to switch your mind to think about anything else. And even when you do... You don't really CARE.
When Its This Overwhelming It's Almost Impossible To Imagine It Won't Always Be Like This Painful...
Based on the research I've done over the past few years I've have come to see that heartbreak isn't all in your head...
And for most guys it isn't something that you can just get over.
Generally most of it plays out in a the following scenarios.
Guy gets stuck and literally years later he is living in HER shadow and heartache just comes more infrequently but still intense. The thought about her never fully fade away and in fact over time they become harder to stop. Guys in this situation will often go through a depression because the thought loops start to cause a chemical imbalance over time and start to effect their physiology.
The worst part about this guy is that because he spent so much time heartbroken, he almost becomes attached to it and it becomes a continous cycle for him.
The heartbreak carves out a big space inside of him and, desperate to fill it up, he becomes "needy" guy... Which ends up making his life far more painful. Now not only has he lost the women he loves, but now his desperation to replace now makes him far more unattractive to women.
When he meets and dates women, they sense that some how he "needs" them and this makes them lose attraction for him. Of course this just deepens the pain and frustration he has over his break up, and this turns into a back and forth of longing over his ex and frantically and unsuccessfully looking for someone to replace her.
Guy waits it out, over time and with enough distraction the hearbreak dwindles, but it makes his personality more bitter and angry overall... Because it took him so long to move and for the clouds to part for this guy, the reality of everything that happened with his ex girlfriend becomes part of his reality and it (unconscious) turns him into an angry guy who is convinced the same thing will happen to him again.
Ironically this almost makes it far more likely that it will. The mistrust and bitterness towards women shows and this serves to not only make it harder for him to find a quality women for himself, it often sends the women running the other direction before he even knows why.
And, far more rarely...
Guy decides to do whatever it takes to break free and "resurfaces" with a blank slate... These guys, although few are far between, see the alternate futures I just listed above and decide they want no part of them. So the muster up the wherewithal and willpower to do whatever they can to move on.
And in the beginning they have to do it almost despite themselves.
What usually happens is that they go through a few weeks of intense pain and they end up "burning through" the painful heartache and very quickly the haziness begins to lift.
More often then not, they are usually surprised by how short of a time it took... And how it was a lot easier then they thought.
After interviewing thousands and coaching hundreds of guys I've developed a "reset button" for men going through heartbreak. A simple, plain English set of steps that will take guys from the pain of even the most overwhelming heartbreak to a total blank slate.
I have 3 powerful techniques I share with you specifically about heartache in the "Over Her Overnight" audio series. You can check them out here.