Getting Dumped & Her Reasons For Leaving You In The First Place...
Chances are the reason she gave you wasn't that satisfying.
It might have made some sense... But it probably still left you asking why...
She may have left without giving you one, but chances it didn't feel like it wrapped things up for.
There are probably still "open loops" about what happened that you have running in your head.
You might just want another chance to explain yourself and see if that would change anything... Or at least give you some relief.
You might think that if you and her really talked about it... It would be some kind of misunderstanding.
Or it might just be "How could she do that to me... I cared about her SO much."
Girls Explanations For Leaving Hardly Ever Make That Much Sense...
Chances are her explanation for leaving didn't make all that sense.
It probably contradicted other things she said...
She might have been back and forth on the her reasons for leaving...
She may have given you different reasons at different times...
And maybe she left without giving you one.
Girls sometimes disappear and just stop calling.
In interviewing, surveying and coaching thousands of guys I have found that girls usually say the same few things.
"I Want To Take A Break & Figure Things Out..."
This is not a break up.
This is a prelude to one.
The opening act so to speak.
Chances are she has been considering or fantasizing about what it would be like with out you, and this is her way of seeing what it is going to be like for her. BUT, she doesn't want to commit to it all the way as the thought of being without may still be scary.
She is your girlfriend after all.
What this really means is that the same dissatisfaction that drove her to take a break... Will eventually drive her to leave you.
It might be right after the break.
It might be months...
It might be only when she has found another guy.
"Its Not Working... Maybe In The Future..."
Watch out for your ex girlfriend's temptation to leave options open.
When girls break up with guys they usually think about doing it for a long time...
Or they knew it wasn't going to work out for a long time.
Saying its not working for her right now is a way of softening the blow because its too hard to tell someone you care about that its over... In fact its probably hard for her to entirely accept it herself.
She's probably conflicted.
But don't misinterpret what that really means.
She has accepted it, and she has had time to deal and cope with what it will be like with out you around.
And she decided to still break up with you.
"I Love You As A Person..."
There is no more blunt of a way of translating this...
So I'm just gonna.
"I like you, you are a good friend and I feel comfortable around you, but I am not attracted to you anymore and I want to date other guys even though I won't say that right now because that would be a really mean thing to say to you."
I know. I hate that phrase too.
As a guy we know that "I love you as person" means I don't want to have sex with you anymore because I'm thinking about what it would be like to be with someone else.
The chemistry is gone... For her at least.
And she is looking to find that chemistry with someone else.
"I've Meet Someone Else..."
If your ex girlfriend told you this you probably got angry.
You probably got really angry.
Being replaced by another guy...
It means that your ex girlfriend wasn't totally honest with you...
It means that she was becoming attracted to someone else while you were together...
It means that she was taking the time away from you to be with this other guy...
And its your girlfriend that was doing this.
She betrayed your trust in a profound way.
But chances are that didn't sway you from wanting her to come back to you. In fact it probably made you want her MORE somehow.
"We Should Just Be Friends..."
This usually turns out one of two ways... And only you know your ex girlfriend so I will leave it up to you to determine which one is playing out for you...
"I want to be friends" can mean "we have a history and a connection and I don't want the break up to get in the way." If you and her were friends before dating or you've been dating for a long time this may be where you are at. Usually you have to take a break (you do especially because you're still in love with her) and there is a real possibility of the two of your rebuilding something in the future.
"We should just be friends" can also mean "I'm not attracted to you anymore, I don't even really want to be friends, please don't make this weird for me." She is letting you down easy. Staying friends is really just a cushion for the blow of her breaking up with you.
Usually this one ends with her slowing but surely cutting off contact with you.
Not being able to tell the difference between the two is a very common mistake guys make when getting dumped. And in either situation guys make the mistake of trying to be friends with their ex girlfriend right afterwards, therefore prolonging the pain.
You Can Spend Months Or Years Trying To Figure Out & Dwelling On "Why" Things Really Didn't Work Out...
Most guys get stuck on the why... And it really keeps them from moving onto because it gives their mind something to keep grasping onto.
Its normal to try to make sense of what happened, although it is kind of maddening that the state you're in won't allow you to see the real reasons.
These things only become clear when the dust settles.
When you had some distance.
When you're actually OVER HER.
Over the past 5 years I have put together a method to help guys get over the first few days, weeks and month right after a painful break up.
Whatever the reason was she isn't your girlfriend anymore
In my audio series I go into the real reasons why women usually leave, but more importantly... How YOU can get to a place where it doesn't matter anyway.
Below is a link to where you can listen to the audio series free.